Client Stories

Neighbors knew something was wrong when Ellie, the 80-year-old woman living alone in their apartment building, began regularly giving away her jewelry to them in the lobby. They shared stories of her asking them to make out blank checks and of her occasionally wandering aimlessly up and down a heavily traveled road.

Ellie’s neighbors kept a close watch on her, writing out and mailing the checks for her bills and returning the jewelry to her family when they visited. Timmy, as Ellie affectionately called her nephew, lived in a nearby town and came to see his aunt as often as he could. It wasn’t frequently enough, however, for him to notice the drastic changes in her behavior. And although the neighbors told him their stories, he didn’t truly understand what was happening until Ellie’s physician contacted him. Not only was she demonstrating symptoms of Alzheimer’s disease, but she also had not been eating.

Her nephew came to us, resigned to the idea that she belonged in a nursing home. After hearing of her behavior and speaking with the doctor ourselves, it was certainly evident that she needed extra supervision and care; but as physically active and social as Ellie was, a nursing home was clearly not the best option for her.

We presented Timmy with recommendations for several assisted living facilities in the area. He wasn’t sure he agreed and needed time to think about it. In the meantime, Ellie continued living alone with only the neighbors to keep an eye on her and an occasional visit from her nephew. The decision to call her niece, Sarah, who was living in a distant state was not an easy one. We knew we did so at the risk of jeopardizing our relationship with Ellie’s nephew. However, we were adamant that a decision needed to be made before Ellie put herself in any danger.

Sarah’s initial reaction was one of panic and she wanted to immediately put her aunt into a nursing home in her area, so she would be nearby. She too dismissed the idea of assisted living, admitting that Ellie’s unpredictable behavior associated with the Alzheimer’s frightened and intimidated her and she didn’t want to have to worry about any part of her care. Reluctantly, we provided Sarah with names of some nursing homes she could go visit. About a week later, we received a call. It was obvious from the tone of Sarah’s voice on the other end that she had had a change of heart about the situation. She realized that her aunt was still far too active to be confined to a nursing home. We helped her choose an assisted living facility not far from her own home and, together, we made arrangements to move Ellie.

At first, Ellie’s nephew was upset at both his sister and at us, but once he visited and saw how much improved his aunt’s quality of life was, he actually called to thank us for helping them make the right choice.

No One Expects You to Understand All the Options

It’s always hard to know exactly what to do when an elderly loved one is unable to live alone anymore. Roles become reversed and you are trying to do what’s best for someone who had always done the very same for you.

With active lifestyles, careers and your own family to take care of, it can sometimes be easy to fall into the trap of choosing the option that is most convenient, easiest, or least intimidating. But the fact is, sometimes that option is not necessarily what is best for your loved one.

At Elderlife Experts, we can help. We work with families to get past differences, fears and tensions and to find a solution – the best plan of care for your elderly loved one.

A gentleman called us recently. His name was John. We could tell from his voice that he was anxious and scared. It took awhile to get him calmed down enough to be able to make out why he was calling. A short conversation revealed that he was 92 and still living alone in an apartment and had been for years. He was scared. It turns out he had woken up suddenly in the middle of the night and realized he was taking an unnecessary risk by living alone. His wife had died long ago and the only family he had were sister-in-laws who were in their 80′s. He had found us in his “bible,” his Guide to Retirement Living. John was healthy for his age, he was even able to drive and cook his own meals. But he was right in realizing that he was putting himself in a bad situation.

After talking with John for awhile, we scheduled an assessment meeting. We visited him in his modest apartment and got to know him a little bit, went over his medical history and discussed his financial situation. Money was certainly not an issue, he had plenty in savings to live comfortably for the rest of his life. And since he was still mobile and independent, we were quick to suggest he think about assisted living. He was enthusiastic about the idea and so we recommended some facilities that fit his lifestyle and after showing him around several of them, John made a decision. He chose a home not far from his apartment and it didn’t take long before he was moved in and settled. In assisted living, John can still enjoy his independence, but feels much safer knowing there are people around to take care of him should something happen.

Living Alone Can Be A Crisis Waiting to Happen

Living alone can be a dangerous situation for any elderly person, regardless of health, especially if there is no one to check up on them regularly. A bad fall or a stroke is all that needs to happen to rob an elderly person of their independence, mobility or mental function.

We exist not only to help families make decisions about the care of their elderly relatives, but for our elderly clients themselves. They benefit from a peace-of-mind that comes from knowing there is someone there watching out for their best interest, someone who they can call with worries about medical problems or medications. We are someone who is on their side and a source of care, compassion, patience and understanding.

William had been diagnosed with Parkinson’s disease several years ago. For awhile, treatments aimed at helping him maintain his mobility and independence had been somewhat successful at keeping his symptoms under control. But over the period of a few months, the disease had progressed to the point where he was beginning to have trouble performing daily activities on his own. He had suffered a few falls when his daughters, who had been sharing the responsibility of his care, came to us for an assessment. When we went to evaluate William, he was rehabilitating in the comprehensive care ward of a nursing home. Our recommendation to the sisters was that their father needed to remain in a nursing home environment – someplace where nurses would keep a close watch on him and keep him safe and well-fed.

Well, as we have seen all too many times, the more family members that are involved in a situation, the harder it is for them to come to a decision. The other factor that made their decision difficult is a problem most families have. It can be painfully hard to emotionally tolerate letting go of the responsibility of caring for someone without feeling guilty, without worrying that you’ve done the right thing. After hours of tears and disagreements, they simply couldn’t make the decision that a nursing home was right for their father and so, went ahead with hiring an aide and continuing to take care of him on their own.

A month or so passed, and we had been receiving updates from the aide on William’s condition. He had continued to have accidents and was becoming harder and harder to manage. Finally I called the oldest daughter and I said, “You know, I hear that your father has gotten worse and it’s gotten more difficult for all of you. Do you think maybe we could meet again and just talk about this?”

She agreed that they needed to rethink his care and the family returned for a second assessment. There was still tension over the decision to be made, but the oldest sister had taken on a leadership role and managed to help the group come to a consensus. We placed William in a wonderful facility and now he’s doing very well. He was even recently moved to a less intensive area where he can do more for himself and participate in activities. With their father doing so well, the daughters couldn’t deny that they not only made the right choice for William, but for the whole family.

Always Try to Remember Who the Decision Ultimately Affects the Most – Your Loved One.

Often, the most difficult part of making a care decision for the family member is getting past the idea that the decision isn’t about you or any other member of the family except for the person in need of care. Sometimes the decision you need to make is not the one that makes you feel good. Sometimes it involves letting go of pride or old grudges. Sometimes it is seeing your loved one as he really is. Sometimes it’s not the magic answer that will make it all easier on you. Sometimes, the best decisions … are the hardest. Let Elderlife Experts help you make the right choice.

Hazel’s father was 86 years old when he went to live with her. The doctors had given him less than a month to live, giving her little time to figure out how she was going to take care of him. She hired a nurse to watch him during the day and to take on some responsibilities around the house, but would return home in the evenings only to find the aide on her way out the door having left many of the jobs undone. Not only was Hazel taking care of her father, she was taking care of the aide too! There was virtually no support network, no one to assure her that what she was doing was right and no one to suggest a better solution.

In the meantime, her father began to get better! Over the next six years she placed him in several different assisted living facilities. As we have often encountered in this line of work, what these places said and what they did were two entirely different things. Sure, they served meals, but there was no one to make sure that he ate them, or that he even made it to the dining hall. There was a medical center onsite, but no one to make sure he recognized when he needed medical attention. It got to the point that when Hazel would have to go out of town on business, she couldn’t tell her father until the day before. He would get so anxious and upset because he was afraid what would happen while she wasn’t around to make sure he was taken care of. When she returned, she would often find out that he had suffered a fall or lost weight while she was gone. This was when Hazel really began to realize that not only is it difficult to find good people to take care of your loved one, but it’s difficult to emotionally tolerate letting go of that control yourself.

Hazel took everything she learned from her experiences with her father, coupled with extensive education in psychology and nursing, and turned it into Elderlife Experts. Now she is in a position to help others through the same sorts of situations.

Care Facilities Don’t Always Follow Through, Your Loved One Needs an Advocate

At Elderlife Experts, when we place a client in a nursing home, we personally visit once a week to look over charts, talk with the nurses and just make sure they are being taken care of. If problems surface, e.g., the client isn’t eating or has lost weight over a period of time and nothing is being done to find out why, we let the families and the doctors know.

You cannot just assume that your elderly loved one will be well cared for in a nursing home or in assisted living. The workers in so many of these facilities are too few, too underpaid and often possess minimal medical skills.

After so many experiences with clients over the years, we have come away with the feeling that families really need to understand what they’re getting into when they assume the responsibility of caring for someone. Not everyone who has made a career of caring for the elderly has the same sense of integrity, justice and holistic care that we offer. And if the families don’t have somebody like us whose position it is to advocate for their loved one, in most cases no one else will do it.

And that’s why we exist. We can quickly analyze the needs of clients and if part of the care plan includes a nursing home or assisted living, not only can we recommend the facilities that will best care for your loved one’s needs, but we follow-up with regular visits, always watching to make sure your loved one is getting the care they deserve.

For most of his 87 years, Jack had been a painter, a passion that had taken him all over the world, capturing faraway people and places. His wife had also been an artist, a sculptor. Their quaint home had always been in a constant state of redecoration with his latest painting or her latest creation.

A few years following his wife’s death, Jack began having health problems. He was in the hospital recovering from a bad fall, his second in two months, when he contacted his power of attorney, a distant relative who lived a state away. He explained that he didn’t feel safe living alone anymore. After some discussion, it was decided that he would move to a reputable local nursing home. Jack had learned of this particular home from a neighbor who had been considering placing her husband there. The relative hired us to make sure he was well taken care of and to keep him company now and then.

The nursing home was one of the area’s best. Outside, its campus boasted lavish stone buildings, paths bordered with bright perennials in full bloom and with trees, benches and gardens dotting the property as far as the eye could see. Inside however, visitors found a different story altogether – dark, narrow corridors leading to an endless line of identical rooms, each occupied by someone who had given up a home they had spent a lifetime creating for the better quality of life that was promised here. Our client was no exception.

When we visited Jack after his first month there, we found a different person. A man who had once been so full of passion and life was now suffering from depression, not walking and not eating. He told us that more than anything, he missed his home. At home, he was surrounded by his art, his memories, everything he had lived for. Looking around the room at the blank, institutional walls, it was easy to see why it couldn’t ever be home to him. We looked at his medical charts and made some phone calls. As it turned out, aside from limited mobility, his doctors agreed with us that there was really no medical reason that he couldn’t live at home.

Working with his power of attorney, we were able to arrange in-home aide service and a plan was laid out to ensure that all the details, from his home and lawn, to his meals, would be taken care of. Jack has been back in his house a few months now and the transformation has been nothing short of miraculous. He is doing so much better – he’s happier, he’s walking with a walker now, he’s eating everything he wants and he’s “redecorating” with all of his favorite paintings, his wife’s pottery and other treasures he has collected over the years.

In-Home Care is Often the Best Choice

At Elderlife Experts we do our best to always keep the option open for in-home care. As long as home remains a safe place for our client and they can still get the medical care they need, we see it as one of the best options. Home represents everything that is familiar – memories, history and a place of comfort where more often than not, clients remain in a more optimistic state-of-mind and stay healthier longer.

Shortly after Susan visited her mother in Baltimore during the Christmas holidays we received her telephone call. She had found us through our website and was very concerned about her mother. She explained to one of our intake nurses that her mother, Mrs. J, seemed to constantly forget where she set things down and whether or not she had taken her medicine. The home, normally immaculate, looked as though it hadn’t been cleaned for some time. Worst of all, Susan suspected her mother had lost a significant amount of weight.

We suggested an in-home assessment of Mrs. J and worked with Susan to make her mother comfortable about one of our nurse-care managers coming into her home to visit and perform the assessment. Following the assessment, we recommended that Mrs. J be in contact with her physician to rule out other possible medical reasons for the weight loss. In addition, Susan was provided with the name and number of a geriatrician who specializes in working with dementia.

We also suggested that Mrs. J be provided with more structure and cues in the home. To that end, because she lived alone and wanted to continue living in her own home, we worked with Susan to help her mother become comfortable with the idea of having a companion assist her in the home for a few hours each day.

When Susan came to visit her mother again about a month later, she told us she felt like she could breathe a big sigh of relief now knowing that she was in a much safer situation – one which would be continuously monitored and adjusted by an experienced Ivory House nurse-care manager.

John was referred to us by his mother’s physician. His mother, Mrs. T, had been out on a shopping trip and had taken a fall, breaking her opposite arm and leg. He lived in another state and had to return to his family and job but wanted to make sure his mother was in good hands before he left town.

Prior to the accident, Mrs. T was an active healthy participant of her community and church at 84 years old. John explained that his mother wanted to recuperate in her own home but there were lots of steps and he knew she wouldn’t be able to manage on her own.

After a nurse visit and assessment it was determined that Mrs. T would initially need 10 hours of aide services 7 days a week. Her bedroom was relocated to the main floor of the home to make it possible for her to be on her own at night. Snacks and drinks were left each evening at her bedside. A personal security system was installed for emergency use.

Two Elderlife Experts certified nursing assistants chosen specifically to mesh with her gregarious personality helped Mrs. T. to bathe, do recommended physical therapy exercises and receive visitors from the community. They also did laundry, light housekeeping, prepared meals and accompanied her to physician visits. Mrs. T. was discharged from services, fully recovered, three months later.

Mrs. G. called after hearing about us through a friend. Her husband had recently been diagnosed with early Alzheimer’s disease. She was his sole caregiver and was calling because she wanted more information and support. Elderlife Experts has worked with many families providing care to a loved one with dementia and we find the process to be one of the most rewarding things we do.

One of our nurse-geriatric care managers was assigned to the family. She did an in-depth needs assessment in the comfort of the couple’s home.

During the assessment of Mr. G, his wife spoke about some health issues she was dealing with and mentioned that she missed seeing her friends. It was recommended that Mrs. G. use the services of a gerontologist for her husband and she was provided with several names and numbers. Also, the wisdom of encouraging her husband to continue doing the things he could do on his own was explained. The benefits of initiating a structured exercise program a minimum of three times a week were outlined. In addition to the counseling, a written report was provided to Mrs. G. for her to refer back to.

Mrs. G seemed relieved to find out that other spouses in her situation routinely used the services of a certified nursing assistant on a weekly basis to care for their ill partners while they went to important appointments and kept up with friendships and activities they enjoyed.

Mrs. G. chose to retain the services of Elderlife Experts, a division of Ivory House Health Services, to meet with one of the geriatric care managers on a monthly basis. She liked the idea of having health care professionals support her in her role of primary caregiver for her husband. We were able to address Mrs. G’s current concerns, provide more options and monitor progress as the situation continued to change.

Mr. and Mrs. B. had read about Elderlife Experts, a division of Ivory House Health Services, when they were looking through the Guide to Retirement Living Magazine to try and get information about possible good homes for Mr. B’s mother, Lily. Lily, Mrs. B. explained that Lily had been living on the other side of the country for over 20 years but wanted to return to Baltimore to be closer to them. They were delighted but also felt frustrated in their attempts to figure out which facility would be best for her to live in and close enough to their home so they could visit often.

She asked if this was the kind of thing we help with. We responded that “matchmaking” a new home for a senior was one of our specialties. She went on to tell us that Lily had some medical issues which made traveling a hardship and they were worried about getting her safely back to Maryland.

The nurse-geriatric care manager assigned to the family did an extensive assessment, including a review of medical history and a couple of telephone interviews with Lily. Input from both family members and Lily helped to piece together the picture of the perfect place for Lily to call home in Baltimore. Next, the necessary arrangements were made for Lily to travel safely, and soon thereafter the family was back together in Baltimore.

Mr. and Mrs. B were surprised with how smooth and quick the process was. Lily’s new home was not one the couple had thought to visit, but turned out to be right in their own neighborhood which made several weekly visits convenient. Lily expressed her surprise at how quickly she was forming new friendships with other residents.